No longer the Superhero to my 3 year old

It has happened....my daughter has hit her teenage years. She has somehow managed to stay the same size...but morph into a teenager overnight! Amazing! I Know!

She no longer wants anything to do with our family. She's moody when she is "stuck" with us, she sleeps late, she only comes inside to demand something to eat or drink, she is a typical teenager. The culprit...her new friends she has that live behind us. From the second she wakes in the morning, she wants to know if her friends are outside and will not retire for the evening until its dark. You can try to bribe her with ice cream and toys...no dice. She is into her friends and loving every second of playtime she has.

I get it, I do. Who would want to hang out with a boring me...and a even more boring 14 month old. But I am a little heart broken. I watch her play all day and giggle and laugh. Her skin is darkening from the sun and she is worn OUT come bed time. She just doesn't need us the way she used to and she is growing up so fast! Starting school in the fall and literally jumping for joy about it. I am happy to see my daughter grow up and experience new things in life. I am excited to see her have memories of all these things I remember as a child. Its just crazy to know how easily they can let go of their parents in lieu of a friend.

I will always be there though when she comes home. There will be a time when they don't get along and I will feel like I won the battle for that day. I will also hold her just a little bit longer when she does want to snuggle. Girls may be "daddy's little girl" but they will always need their mom, especially when she needs the recipe for cabbage rolls when she is older.

Just like the Pros!

I am not sure if you are the same way...but I am addicted to design show on HGTV...its an obsession. I am also all over the decorating mags and looking into what is new...what is hip. I am no professional designer at all! I never went to school, I never worked with someone to get experience, but I still feel I can pull off all these projects. DIY is calling me!

Every time I come home with a new idea...my husbands rolls his eyes, kind of like the way my eyes roll when he brings home a remote control bat (that he claims is for Reese...but who is he kidding). He feels that these people are professionals and of course they know what they are doing cuz they have 50 people and numerous contacts to finish their project. I only have me. True...but that does not mean those ideas I have discourage me with my lack of experience. I see it...it must be possible right??

Which brings us to today. I have been creating a "project" in my head for months regarding the area in my kitchen that is a blank wall. It needed something. A place where I can put my laptop, and the kids crafts. So the idea is now coming true. I found a $20 table at a garage sale that I dragged my kids around for an hour when I finally found it...STEAL! I then stained it and made look brand new. I also found a $50 cabinet at Value Village which I am painting white and it will house all the crayons, paint and glue that Reese requires to create her master pieces. Dave doubted me I know he did...but its coming together and even he admits its looks good.

Why can't they just realise we know what we are talking about and just run with it. Like I always tell him, "Do you think I am going to make my house look like crap on purpose??"

What is Next?

*the Alberta trip story is coming...its just really long and I am still going through it...sorry, but its coming:)*

As I try to put on my mascara on my puffy eyes this morning I am nervous about what I am about to go through. I had been crying most of the night and its left me with a very unattractive puffy and red blotched face. I have to go for another ultrasound this morning to make sure everything that is not suppose to be there isn't. I am scared and I am frustrated. I have been going through emotional hell for the last 3 weeks...constantly reminded every time I take a bathroom break what has happened to my family. I know I tell everyone I am okay...and I am really, it's just this thought of when can I finally move on??

I just want to move on...but I can't, still stuck here wondering what is going on and what is next? I have these dreams of what my child would have looked like...who they would have been and how they were going to fit in our crazy family of meatballs. But its not going to happen and I really don't know if I want to try again for another baby. We took all this time to get use to our "surprise" and when we finally did, there was no more baby. Funny how that happens... It would be great to add to our family, but I don't think I can go down this road again. Again...What is Next?

So wish me luck today...I really don't want to go in for surgery after all of this....and pray for my strength that I can move on and be happy with whatever choice I decide is good for me and my family.

Dreams

Don't you love it when you have a dream that your husband is cheating on you and you wake up and you are actually mad at him...happened to me the other day...It was sooo REAL! Good Times!

I am in the process of writing a post about our trip to Alberta...stay tuned...should be done tonight..HOLLA!

A Question with no Answer

I knew something was up yesterday...didn't feel right and then today happened. Without going into grave details...I lost the baby today.

Very heartbreaking, and after 3 of these now...it does not get any easier. Lots of questions as to why that will never be answered. I think the reason why this one is a bit more harder to take, is that we were not even trying to get pregnant....it was a surprise, and then to get used to the idea of 3 kids just to have it end like this. I can't beat myself up about this, I could analyze every last step over the past 2 weeks, but it won't change anything. The fact of the matter is that it was not meant to be.

As I mourn the loss of this baby, I look at my two daughters and realise that if I never had the past 2 miscarriages, they would not be here. I came home after my ultrasound that confirmed that I was miscarrying the baby, to Reese meeting me at the door. She didn't know what was wrong, but she lead me upstairs and tucked me in and stroked my hair and told me everything will be alright.

I am very blessed with a great family and I love the support from all my friends. We will get through this and all will be okay. What is it they always say, "What doesn't kill us, makes us stronger"???

Never Knew the Day Would Come....

Never knew the day would come where I...I, Nicki would stand in line at a Best Buy waiting for the store to open...to buy...wait for it...A VIDEO GAME! Yes ladies and gents! That was me this morning.

A bright sunny morning, I rushed the hubby out the door to work, dressed the kiddies and headed out the door for our journey to buy UFC Undisputed. First stop..Wallymart..no dice, their delivery did not come in till the afternoon..boo! So we had some breakfast at Mickey D's, which I have to mention, going the Mickey D's in Wallymart is crazy at 8:30am! Its like Saturday nights at Rev...but Tuesday morning with Granny and Gramps enjoying a cups of Joe. There is like hundred's of them..and they all know each other, I actually felt out of place with my two kids at Mickey D's...crazy! Back on point...ate some breakfast, grabbed some cheese (on sale $3.97 if your looking for a deal!), and then went to stand in line at Best Buy.

Get to Best Buy and I am first in line!! YESSS!! Score one for Mommy! Playing games with the girls to keep them occupied and notice the long ling gathering behind me. I get a little competitive when stuff like this happens. I mean you won't catch me on Boxing Day lined up at Future Shop with my chair and long johns on, but some things...I just have to be one of the first people in line and get the product I need. I never thought a video game would be this product, but on this day it was. It's my anniversary coming up and I know Hubby is looking forward to this game, he has been talking about it for 3 months! So I wanted to get this as part of his gift.

It's 5 minutes to opening time and I lean over to Reese and quietly say to her in a "we are in the war and I am telling her how we are going to get to the other side while fighting dangerous rebels" voice,

Me: "Okay...so the store is about to open, when it does I want to you hold onto this stroller tight and RUN! Mommy is going to be going breakin though this door and you gotta hold on! You get broken from the stroller...you look for Mommy and you RUN! Can you do this? CAN! YOU! DO! THIS?"

Reese/Solider/Video Game Getter Assistant: "Ya Ya Ya!!! (pause for some thinking time) Ummm, but why are we doing this???" she says with a puzzled look on her face

Me (all hyper and probably looking crazy): "You just have to be with me! All these people behind us are going for the same thing..and we gotta get this for Daddy...he will be soo happy! Can you run??"

Reese: "Yes Mommy...LET'S DO THIS!" she says pumping her fists in the air.

And off we went...those doors opened and we rushed through and we got the game! It was a jungle, but we prevailed.

Its now 10:09pm and for the last hour I have been helping Dave pick out a fighter that looks exactly like him. I am talking everything from the scruff on your face...to tattoos..to how big your balls are! Geeze an hour setting up your guy??? Dang....maybe this gift was a mistake...I think nights will be filled with him pushin the buttons on his controller instead of pushin my buttons...you know the good ones....Happy Anniversary Babe!

Two Become One???

When I was about 8 years old my mom's husband at the time used to wear her Secret deodorant. I know! Crazy! "Strong enough for a Man but made for a Woman"...was truly the case in our house. It was the aerosol can kind...which I could never understand how my mom could use that stuff. It was always soo cold going on and you usually got some deodorant particles in your nose...not cool! But anyways...he would wear it and I never understood why....like guys have their own...why not use your own??

Then I got married and my husband on occasion likes to use my....wait for it, its nasty. My toothbrush!!! If he can't seem to find his own in the drawer, (meaning it didn't jump right out at him when he opens the drawer) he will use mine! This is just not right! I don't have many of my own things, especially with kids! Even going the bathroom is interrupted with the knock on the door requesting yet another snack! I tell him over and over..."Don't use my TOOTHBRUSH!", and he still uses it. There is nothing more nasty then going to brush your teeth, just to find the bristles already wet! So again I ask the question, "Why do guys use your shit when they have their own??"

Does this banter count when I actually use his Mach 3 so shave my pits???? (it shaves soo close though!)