I knew something was up yesterday...didn't feel right and then today happened. Without going into grave details...I lost the baby today.
Very heartbreaking, and after 3 of these now...it does not get any easier. Lots of questions as to why that will never be answered. I think the reason why this one is a bit more harder to take, is that we were not even trying to get pregnant....it was a surprise, and then to get used to the idea of 3 kids just to have it end like this. I can't beat myself up about this, I could analyze every last step over the past 2 weeks, but it won't change anything. The fact of the matter is that it was not meant to be.
As I mourn the loss of this baby, I look at my two daughters and realise that if I never had the past 2 miscarriages, they would not be here. I came home after my ultrasound that confirmed that I was miscarrying the baby, to Reese meeting me at the door. She didn't know what was wrong, but she lead me upstairs and tucked me in and stroked my hair and told me everything will be alright.
I am very blessed with a great family and I love the support from all my friends. We will get through this and all will be okay. What is it they always say, "What doesn't kill us, makes us stronger"???
Saturday, May 23, 2009
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Never Knew the Day Would Come....
Never knew the day would come where I...I, Nicki would stand in line at a Best Buy waiting for the store to open...to buy...wait for it...A VIDEO GAME! Yes ladies and gents! That was me this morning.
A bright sunny morning, I rushed the hubby out the door to work, dressed the kiddies and headed out the door for our journey to buy UFC Undisputed. First stop..Wallymart..no dice, their delivery did not come in till the afternoon..boo! So we had some breakfast at Mickey D's, which I have to mention, going the Mickey D's in Wallymart is crazy at 8:30am! Its like Saturday nights at Rev...but Tuesday morning with Granny and Gramps enjoying a cups of Joe. There is like hundred's of them..and they all know each other, I actually felt out of place with my two kids at Mickey D's...crazy! Back on point...ate some breakfast, grabbed some cheese (on sale $3.97 if your looking for a deal!), and then went to stand in line at Best Buy.
Get to Best Buy and I am first in line!! YESSS!! Score one for Mommy! Playing games with the girls to keep them occupied and notice the long ling gathering behind me. I get a little competitive when stuff like this happens. I mean you won't catch me on Boxing Day lined up at Future Shop with my chair and long johns on, but some things...I just have to be one of the first people in line and get the product I need. I never thought a video game would be this product, but on this day it was. It's my anniversary coming up and I know Hubby is looking forward to this game, he has been talking about it for 3 months! So I wanted to get this as part of his gift.
It's 5 minutes to opening time and I lean over to Reese and quietly say to her in a "we are in the war and I am telling her how we are going to get to the other side while fighting dangerous rebels" voice,
Me: "Okay...so the store is about to open, when it does I want to you hold onto this stroller tight and RUN! Mommy is going to be going breakin though this door and you gotta hold on! You get broken from the stroller...you look for Mommy and you RUN! Can you do this? CAN! YOU! DO! THIS?"
Reese/Solider/Video Game Getter Assistant: "Ya Ya Ya!!! (pause for some thinking time) Ummm, but why are we doing this???" she says with a puzzled look on her face
Me (all hyper and probably looking crazy): "You just have to be with me! All these people behind us are going for the same thing..and we gotta get this for Daddy...he will be soo happy! Can you run??"
Reese: "Yes Mommy...LET'S DO THIS!" she says pumping her fists in the air.
And off we went...those doors opened and we rushed through and we got the game! It was a jungle, but we prevailed.
Its now 10:09pm and for the last hour I have been helping Dave pick out a fighter that looks exactly like him. I am talking everything from the scruff on your face...to tattoos..to how big your balls are! Geeze an hour setting up your guy??? Dang....maybe this gift was a mistake...I think nights will be filled with him pushin the buttons on his controller instead of pushin my buttons...you know the good ones....Happy Anniversary Babe!
A bright sunny morning, I rushed the hubby out the door to work, dressed the kiddies and headed out the door for our journey to buy UFC Undisputed. First stop..Wallymart..no dice, their delivery did not come in till the afternoon..boo! So we had some breakfast at Mickey D's, which I have to mention, going the Mickey D's in Wallymart is crazy at 8:30am! Its like Saturday nights at Rev...but Tuesday morning with Granny and Gramps enjoying a cups of Joe. There is like hundred's of them..and they all know each other, I actually felt out of place with my two kids at Mickey D's...crazy! Back on point...ate some breakfast, grabbed some cheese (on sale $3.97 if your looking for a deal!), and then went to stand in line at Best Buy.
Get to Best Buy and I am first in line!! YESSS!! Score one for Mommy! Playing games with the girls to keep them occupied and notice the long ling gathering behind me. I get a little competitive when stuff like this happens. I mean you won't catch me on Boxing Day lined up at Future Shop with my chair and long johns on, but some things...I just have to be one of the first people in line and get the product I need. I never thought a video game would be this product, but on this day it was. It's my anniversary coming up and I know Hubby is looking forward to this game, he has been talking about it for 3 months! So I wanted to get this as part of his gift.
It's 5 minutes to opening time and I lean over to Reese and quietly say to her in a "we are in the war and I am telling her how we are going to get to the other side while fighting dangerous rebels" voice,
Me: "Okay...so the store is about to open, when it does I want to you hold onto this stroller tight and RUN! Mommy is going to be going breakin though this door and you gotta hold on! You get broken from the stroller...you look for Mommy and you RUN! Can you do this? CAN! YOU! DO! THIS?"
Reese/Solider/Video Game Getter Assistant: "Ya Ya Ya!!! (pause for some thinking time) Ummm, but why are we doing this???" she says with a puzzled look on her face
Me (all hyper and probably looking crazy): "You just have to be with me! All these people behind us are going for the same thing..and we gotta get this for Daddy...he will be soo happy! Can you run??"
Reese: "Yes Mommy...LET'S DO THIS!" she says pumping her fists in the air.
And off we went...those doors opened and we rushed through and we got the game! It was a jungle, but we prevailed.
Its now 10:09pm and for the last hour I have been helping Dave pick out a fighter that looks exactly like him. I am talking everything from the scruff on your face...to tattoos..to how big your balls are! Geeze an hour setting up your guy??? Dang....maybe this gift was a mistake...I think nights will be filled with him pushin the buttons on his controller instead of pushin my buttons...you know the good ones....Happy Anniversary Babe!
Saturday, May 9, 2009
Two Become One???
When I was about 8 years old my mom's husband at the time used to wear her Secret deodorant. I know! Crazy! "Strong enough for a Man but made for a Woman"...was truly the case in our house. It was the aerosol can kind...which I could never understand how my mom could use that stuff. It was always soo cold going on and you usually got some deodorant particles in your nose...not cool! But anyways...he would wear it and I never understood why....like guys have their own...why not use your own??
Then I got married and my husband on occasion likes to use my....wait for it, its nasty. My toothbrush!!! If he can't seem to find his own in the drawer, (meaning it didn't jump right out at him when he opens the drawer) he will use mine! This is just not right! I don't have many of my own things, especially with kids! Even going the bathroom is interrupted with the knock on the door requesting yet another snack! I tell him over and over..."Don't use my TOOTHBRUSH!", and he still uses it. There is nothing more nasty then going to brush your teeth, just to find the bristles already wet! So again I ask the question, "Why do guys use your shit when they have their own??"
Does this banter count when I actually use his Mach 3 so shave my pits???? (it shaves soo close though!)
Then I got married and my husband on occasion likes to use my....wait for it, its nasty. My toothbrush!!! If he can't seem to find his own in the drawer, (meaning it didn't jump right out at him when he opens the drawer) he will use mine! This is just not right! I don't have many of my own things, especially with kids! Even going the bathroom is interrupted with the knock on the door requesting yet another snack! I tell him over and over..."Don't use my TOOTHBRUSH!", and he still uses it. There is nothing more nasty then going to brush your teeth, just to find the bristles already wet! So again I ask the question, "Why do guys use your shit when they have their own??"
Does this banter count when I actually use his Mach 3 so shave my pits???? (it shaves soo close though!)
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