The Word According to my Dad

I have had a very interesting relationship with my father pretty much my whole life. I never really understood him and as I am getting older I don't think I ever will, which I have given up trying to.

My parents split up when I was young and I was raised with the typical split family routine. Every second weekend and two weeks in the summer were spent at my father's house. As a child I was frightened of my father. His bigness, his loud voice (which half the time I could never understand him because of his thick Jamaican accent), and mostly his hand which was the size of a bear paw and you didn't want to know what that felt like on your ass...trust ME!. Every time I was in a situation where there was possible trouble, you know those ones...where you can smell the trouble and instantly have a flash in your head of how your father is going to kill you and no one will ever find your body. I just knew that I needed to get out of that situation because if I was caught...there was going to be some serious discipline going on. My younger brother never seemed to have this fear. He could get beat day in and day out and never learn and still do what he pleased.

My theory is that as my dad has aged he has lost his power. He went from the warden to the guy that sits quietly watching wrestling on t.v. all day. I am no longer fearful of my father. On some good days he is one of the funniest people I know. On other days, he drives me crazy and I wish he would grow up sometimes and let me be the kid and him the parent.

My brother and I have a bag full of jokes we continuously regurgitate. Laughing deep from the belly I don't think these stories will ever get old. Like the day he was trying to tell us about a car he seen on t.v.

Dad: (please think very Jamaican accent...like right off the boat) "Ah wha pon di name of dat car?"

Matt: "What car dad?"

Dad: "Me tink its a Mitsufeeshi?"

Mitsufeeshi??? Man that one made me tear right up!

Or the time when he was trying to tell me what is new in the entertainment world. He just watches television all day so he is on the up and up. He tells me a story about Lisa Simpson when what he really meant was Jessica Simpson. Or telling me about a t.v. show he watches called, "Man onna da Mountain". Which is actually King of the Hill. Don't ever tell him he is wrong or you will be up for a marathon of arguing. Stubborn.

He also told me about a story a couple of weeks ago about how he picked up some random chick on the street and drove her around all night and even went to Mickey D's for her. My dad may be old, but he is a pimp! No really he is not, but for all who know me closely you know my dad is a ladies man. I don't know what it is, but these women fall for my dad like he is their very own Justin Timberlake. I have been with my dad at a restaurant where he even tried to pick up some lady right in front of me!

Lady from behind the counter: (who let me explain does not know what she is getting herself into) "Where in Jamaica are your from?"

Rico Suave: "I am from Maypen...why do you ask?"

The Prey: "I just wanted to know where you were from"

Fabio: "Why you like me?? Next time I come here I will come by myself...(wink wink)"

BARF!!!! I would also like to add a side note...my dad is 75. I know I know...he just never knows when to stop.

Sitting down and listening to my father talk is defiantly going to keep you interested and defiantly keep you laughing. Even though there has been some hard times with my dad I am happy that I know him and all the things he has done for me...even if they are small. He in a twisted way with his faults and issues has made me who I am today. I really can't complain about that now can I.

Here is to always looking for the good in people! Cheers!