Peer Pressure

The countdown to 30 is on!! People ask me how I feel, and I really do feel okay with turning 30. I am very strong in knowledge of myself, it has taken me this long to really get to know the real me inside. I have a great bunch of friends I know I can count on. I big family that is crazy but wouldn't change them for the world! I am happy with the life I have lived so far and I am very excited for what is next.

What I am not ready for is to live it all over again. I thought that when I had kids I would have the opportunity to live life again through my child's eyes, with the innocence that I forget from dealing with bills and cleaning all day. But what I failed to remember is that I will have to live the uncomfortable feeling of always being accepted in the "cool" crowd again. This is what I have been dealing with my almost 4 year old...ALREADY! Reese constantly is reminding me that she is "cool" not "cute". I will comment on her hair or her clothes or even something she did as cute, only to be screeched at that I am wrong. She wants to be cool around her friends already! She questions what I pick out for her to wear for fear of looking silly. She doesn't want the other kids to call her baby, and she wants to be friends with everyone.

I am not ready for this. I have finally let go of that heavy weight on my chest of preforming for others and now bounce to my very own groovy tune and love it! Now I get to relive this feeling all over again through my daughters eyes...ugh! Its very difficult when you think about it. No matter how I react to the situation ,I change the way she thinks about things. That is serious pressure! I was prepared when I became pregnant with Reese. I read books on the first year, I kept up with the latest products for development...all that! What I was not prepared for was the responsibility of raising a human being!! Helping her through all her tough times, learning to count by twos and tie her shoes, to roughing it through her first friend fight, to being outcast by mean kids! I am not ready for that. Since she has started school there has been this learning curve that I have been on and I am not sure I am handling it all too well. I feel as though I have to take a step back and really be on her team...yet still the parent.

Ohhhh this parenting thing is harder than I thought. Maybe I should go back to the sleepless nights and tons of diaper changes?? At least I knew I couldn't screw that up!