*the Alberta trip story is coming...its just really long and I am still going through it...sorry, but its coming:)*
As I try to put on my mascara on my puffy eyes this morning I am nervous about what I am about to go through. I had been crying most of the night and its left me with a very unattractive puffy and red blotched face. I have to go for another ultrasound this morning to make sure everything that is not suppose to be there isn't. I am scared and I am frustrated. I have been going through emotional hell for the last 3 weeks...constantly reminded every time I take a bathroom break what has happened to my family. I know I tell everyone I am okay...and I am really, it's just this thought of when can I finally move on??
I just want to move on...but I can't, still stuck here wondering what is going on and what is next? I have these dreams of what my child would have looked like...who they would have been and how they were going to fit in our crazy family of meatballs. But its not going to happen and I really don't know if I want to try again for another baby. We took all this time to get use to our "surprise" and when we finally did, there was no more baby. Funny how that happens... It would be great to add to our family, but I don't think I can go down this road again. Again...What is Next?
So wish me luck today...I really don't want to go in for surgery after all of this....and pray for my strength that I can move on and be happy with whatever choice I decide is good for me and my family.
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5 comments:
You are so strong, and you are so lucky to have dave and a great support system. You are one of a kind - Love ya girl.. katie
Thinking about you a lot lately....especially today. If you need anything at all let us know.
Let me know what happened this morning. We MUST get together. Tomorrow?
Mush, I think you are one of the strongest people that I know! You a wonderful person, mother, wife and friend. You can do anything!
I Love You Nikki :) I call you that cause you know only i can....you are in my heart and in my prayers....You have always been strong...stay that way...
fam love,
Mel
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